Simple Life

Death of the Pastor’s Wife — from a different angle:

Recently, my news feed was littered with opinions about the Netflix show. I’m late to the opinion-sharing table- which is unusual for me- but after contemplation I’ve typed up a few of my own thoughts.

Imagine a whole church so conditioned to the traditional authority structure that they missed the opportunity to hold the pastor accountable, which may have saved his wife’s life, his lover’s husband’s life, and- pending what happens at trial- may have saved this guy from the consequences of whatever truly transpired.

He needed intervention.

“Holding him accountable” may have looked like insisting he get individual AND couples therapy and become a secure, steady person- BEFORE he could be a pastor of a church (or continue to be). There were red flags. 🚩

Imagine being so conditioned not to question the traditional authority structure that you’d be willing to observe things that seemed a bit off, but not be curious enough to ask questions… because, you know,

“it’s not our business.”

Imagine how many men are able to hide behind authority and escape accountability because of how we have conditioned ourselves not to question the traditional leadership structure.

This is not intended to attack men- I love the strength that men bring to the table of life; male leadership can beautifully model love when implemented wisely.

Imagine how many marriages look somewhat normal to the outside world, while internally they may be bleeding out, right there in the church pews.

Again, I’m not taking this angle to point out men abusing power- I chose this angle more to highlight how few men get called out by others when they need it.

Accountability IS compassionate.

Deep down, we all know when something is off, when someone isn’t healthy. Why do we often stay silent? Why are there secular organizations that do a better job than some churches at demanding respect for women and children?

Why didn’t other men intervene on behalf of that pastor, to challenge his clearly faulty methods and leadership? It’s like no one actually cared.

Also, who is okay with a pastor’s wife being 21 years of age? C’mon, why was a whole church okay with that?

Was it all simply ignored because, from a very young age, we (those raised in Christian homes) are conditioned to follow, trust the structure, and not question leadership within the family and church?

The problem I have come to see with the approach of “do not question” is that it doesn’t work very well. Blind trust and obedience shouldn’t be applied to other people- we even do a disservice to them when we teach our children to blindly trust and obey us. We should be encouraging each other to sharpen our mental skill of reason- to think, to question, to reason; not necessarily to silently go along. This principle can be broadly applied and is wise.

Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. Is it loving to stay silent?

After much observation of trial and error with this “trust and obey” model, I do not agree with blindly trusting any leader. I think there are many good pastors who would agree with this hesitancy, because they’re humble and discerning.

Those are the good ones- humble enough to lead others.

If you are conditioned to blindly obey, follow, submit, and stay in abuse, it’s a cult- not Christ’s Church. But that’s just my opinion after growing up in the streams of a few different denominations and observing, from personal experience, the different angles of submission taught within the Bible Belt of deep East Texas.

-Beth